Something changed, I guess...
...or perhaps I just grew tired of festering.
Life's a dark and forbidding place - yet still I'm alive. These past few days have felt like a breath of air in an asphyxiating ocean of vacancy. Its like I broke the surface, gasping wildly, and feeling the life I once held dear re-thrust upon me. I feel alive again. I feel hope again. I feel...
...calm...
...there's a change...
...I don't remember the last time I felt this way...
...you know...
...meaningful...
...it's dark and crushing and I don't mind it at all. It's frightening and I walk regardless. What wicked thing can harm me now? I've been harmed for years. It's not so much the fear of injury that bothers me - it's more so the weight of wondering if the end was worth the journey.
It's not a wondering anymore...
...sometimes I make eye contact with you - or anyone really - across the room and feel this strange, gripping comfort; like someone's whisper saying, "see that - they're just as scared of you."
Suppression isn't healthy and diving in is a risk worth taking, I suppose. Feel the rush of living or crush your bones on the stony bed below. I guess it's not worth the wonder..so I'm letting go...
...we're here...
...I'm here...
...I'm breathing and tomorrow scares the breath from me...
...and I've never loved the feeling better...
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